Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
