cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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