Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
