The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
