i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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