I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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