Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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