So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
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