I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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