do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
