My nipple is on Facebook.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
