your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize