i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
