cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
