Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
