How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
