In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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