...so i touched it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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