wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
