Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
