god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
