If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
