It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
