I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
