have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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