How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
