we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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