I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize