well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We are two peas in an std pod
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
