Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
