she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think i have two assholes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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