I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
