if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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