If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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