I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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