im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
