Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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