broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
