Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
