he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
