none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
