I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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