Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize