While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
