You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
