Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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