Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
