Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
