I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
