"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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