Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
