My room smells like vodka and shame
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
