Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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