She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
