so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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