Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
