We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
