Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
