I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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