I just made out with a guy for $7.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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