and my herpes radar will keep us safe
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
