We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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