it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
