he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
