i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
