you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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