I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
