We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize