This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
