She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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