if i can run in heels then i can drive
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
