I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
