I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I came so hard my ears popped.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
