I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ttyl tear gas
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
