Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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