My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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