so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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