Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
