Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize