your parents love me but you hate me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize