The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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