you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
