it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
