My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
