So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
