My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
