the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
