Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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