I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
