im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
