Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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