You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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