i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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