Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize