Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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