She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
