my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
