Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
