its not stalking. its research.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
