My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
