I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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